How to handle difficult conversations at work (and at home)
We've all had to navigate a difficult conversation at work, these can look like:
Photo by The Wilson Media Co.
Telling a customer something they don't want to hear
Handling conflict with someone you work with
Navigating a tense or high-stakes situation
Providing constructive feedback to someone
Asking your boss for something that you want
Most people tend to put these off because they know it will be uncomfortable.
I always say, it's better to have the 10 minute uncomfortable conversation now than to simmer in your worry, anxiousness, and uncertainty for weeks, months, or even years for some people.
There are a few key skills that you can keep in mind to help navigate these conversations with ease and rip the band-aid off sooner.
My clients have never said that they regret having the difficult conversation, just regretting that they didn't do it sooner.
1.Come prepared to the conversation
Before the conversation, you may want to write down a list of a few specific topics that you need to cover so you don't miss anything in the moment. When we're in the midst of a difficult conversation, we can feel more stressed and nervous which can cause us to forget specifics or ramble. Come prepared to prevent this and set you both up for a productive conversation.
2.Practice active listening during the conversation
You want to listen to understand, not simply to be understood. One big way to do this is not just practicing what you're going to say in your head or waiting to interject with your thoughts. Instead, practice summarizing and repeating back what you just heard to make sure you're on the same page and that you fully understand. Then, ask questions for further clarification, don't make assumptions.
3.Communicate directly and concisely
Focus on the facts of the situation and share them as if you're listing out bullets in an email to stay succinct and on point. This helps to make sure you're both on the same page and helps you from nervously rambling, losing their attention, or getting too emotionally involved. This will also keep you from feeling the need to justify yourself, which people tend to do when they're nervous or talking about something controversial.
4.If not yet expressed, ask what support they need or request the support you need
Most difficult conversations come down to a request of three kinds of support: advice, emotional support, or just being heard. Don't just assume you know what support they need and jump into offering solutions or new ideas. A lot of times people just want to be heard, and your opinion or advice could overwhelm them.
5.End with a resolution or next step
Do your best to keep the conversation moving forward, don't just talk at each other or re-hash the past repeatedly. We want to come to a resolution or new action that will come from this conversation. Clearly state the next step at the end of the discussion.
Other tips for navigating difficult conversations (especially personally):
Take some deep breaths. This really does help you release your emotions in the moment so you don't feel bottled up emotionally.
It's okay not to know what to say. Remember we're all human. It's okay to mess up or not know what to say. You also don't want to be overly prepared where you've memorized everything, which may come across as inauthentic. We want the sweet spot in the middle where you're prepared, authentic, and not rehearsed.
It's okay to not agree with the other person. We're never going to agree with everyone we meet about everything. Instead of coming into the conversation trying to convince the other person to believe what you believe, come at it from an angle of curiosity and respect. Curiosity can help you ask more questions to understand their perspective better. Respect allows you to treat the other person how you would want to be treated, even if you have different beliefs.
Know when to walk away. Something important to keep in mind with difficult conversations is that they need to be productive. If you're just talking in circles, repeating yourselves, reliving the past without learning from it, or getting too emotionally charged, you need to end the conversation. It can simply be saying "it doesn't sound like we're able to come to a conclusion or next step now so let's take some time to reflect individually about what we need next and revisit in the future if we still want to."
If you're navigating something difficult right now and want support, book a free discovery call. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
Brittany Canaski is a highly-rated Leadership Coach, Trainer, and Founder of Hello Velocity where she builds confident leaders and high-performing teams. When she's not building her business, you can find her planning her next travel adventure with her husband, watching Formula 1 racing, or volunteering in her local community of Charlotte, NC.
