How your communication skills may be holding you and your team back

Oct 25

Do you ever think about how your language could be holding you back as a leader? What about how it holds back your team members? All of this could be causing disconnects and miscommunications, and honestly making work harder for you and them.

One way to enhance your communication style as a leader is to make it more empowering, for yourself and others.
Empowering communication makes you feel more confident, helps you be seen more as a leader, and encourages your team members to take more initiative.

Disempowering communication can make you feel small or insignificant, can hold you back, and can break down the trust your team members have in you.

We want to shift from disempowering to empowering language and habits.

These can be subtle changes to make in your language habits, but once you make the shift, it produces noticeable results.

There are numerous words and phrases that are commonly used with good intentions that can have negative unintended consequences for leaders, their team, or both. Below are the top ones I see (and hear) and the recommended empowering language to use instead.

1.Language that disempowers your team members:

But → and

When you use 'but' in the middle of a sentence, you are negating the first half of the sentence. So if you tell your employee criticism after praise all in one sentence, they're going to remember the negative feedback most, and likely hyper-focus on that. It can be disheartening to be on the receiving end of this.

Disempowering example: "You did a great job but next time make sure you slow down to ask for questions."

Instead: "You did a great job today! I could tell how prepared you were and the presentation slides looked great. Let's review this more during next week's one-on-one and discuss any ideas we have to make it even better next time."

I’ll try → I will

Saying you'll 'try' to do something is basically making a half-assed promise. It's like you're making an excuse for something not working out before you've even started. When we're leaders we need to be making promises and commitments that we're able to follow through on. This is what will build or ruin trust with our team members.

So, if you're not sure if you can commit to something, don't commit to it. Instead of 'I'll try' to achieve something, use "I will" to share what action you're able to do to support that goal you're 'trying' to achieve.

Disempowering example:"I'll try to land this new client."

Instead:"In order to land this new client, I will call the owner of the business today and ask my network if anyone else can make an introduction for me."

2. Language that disempowers yourself:

I’m sorry → thank you

So many professionals, especially women, tend to apologize too often for the sake of being polite. When you do this it often feels like blaming yourself for something going wrong, then you provide an excuse for what happened, and ultimately are highlighting the negative of a situation without a solution. Instead, we want to take ownership and responsibility of situations wit solution-oriented language. It's more empowering for both you and the receiver of the communication.

Disempowering example: "Sorry for my delay in getting back to you."

Instead: "Thank you for your patience with my reply."

I think → I know or I will confirm

Similarly, saying 'I think' too often is a way you're making yourself sound less confident. Sometimes this is just a habit to start sentences when you're answering a question, basically just a filler. A lot of people say 'I think' even when they actually know. I challenge you to try to eliminate it entirely just to notice how often you're saying it. Instead, be confident and direct in your answers, without fillers. If you don't know the answer, share what you do know and that you will get back to them about the rest.

Disempowering example: "I think our Q3 sales results were $40k."

Instead:"Our Q3 sales results were $40k." OR "I believe our Q3 sales results were about $40K, I will confirm and send you an email with the final number by 5PM today."

3. Communication styles that disempower everyone involved:

"I don't know if you..." → "Did you..."

This is a personal pet peeve of mine. When people start a sentence with "I don't know if you [something]" then continue to go on a long tangent about the topic without having any idea about the other person's context of the situation. This is such a simple habit to shift by turning the phrase into a question, wait for their response, then share what makes sense based on whether or not they have the context you assumed before hand.

On the receiving end of this, it's disempowering when the person doesn't allow you a chance to answer their almost question and instead feels like they're overpowering the conversation with their assumptions and opinions and it quickly becomes a one-way conversation.

Disempowering example:"I don't know if you saw the Q3 sales report but it showed that we beat our projections by 10%."

Instead:"Did you see the Q3 sales report?" [wait for response] "I can't believe that we beat our projections by 10%, what did you think about it?”

Over-explaining and justifying yourself → being succinct

When we're nervous, it's common to talk too much. There's a few specific ways I see it happening: (1) Asking a question then overexplaining it so everyone forgets what the question even was. (2) Answering a question with a lot of explanation or justifying yourself too much. (3) Talking in circles so it's hard for people (and maybe even yourself) to follow the point you're trying to make.

This habit disempowers everyone because nobody can follow your main point and you come across as less confident. Instead, we want you to be succinct, where you're main point is direct and easy to follow. You can explain context first, only if needed. If you're sharing more than three sentences, re-iterate your main point again at the end.

Disempowering example:"What were our Q3 sales numbers? I know we had a lot going on this quarter from our new product launch to transitioning suppliers halfway through September. None of that's been easy on the team. Oh yeah this quarter also includes all of the time off we all took over the summer for vacations. There's been a lot going on."

Instead:"Q3 was a big quarter for us. We had a new product launch, we transitioned suppliers in September, and thankfully even took time off for some vacation. Where did we land for our Q3 sales numbers?”

Want more empowering language to use with your team starting today? Grab the free guide, How to Give Feedback to Your Team Members. Grab it here.

Brittany Canaski is a highly-rated Leadership Coach, Trainer, and Founder of Hello Velocity where she builds confident leaders and high-performing teams. When she's not building her business, you can find her planning her next travel adventure with her husband, watching Formula 1 racing, or volunteering in her local community of Charlotte, NC.