Navigating difficult times as a leader
The devastation from Hurricane Helene in Western North Carolina has been heartbreaking. Homes, businesses, roads, and towns were ripped away in a matter of hours.
The mountains hold a dear place in my own heart, and for many people here in Charlotte, NC.
They are where we go with loved ones to celebrate milestones, to marvel in the beauty of nature, and to take a day trip out of the city. Most of us know people who live there and are donating our time, money, and resources to provide some sort of relief, all while feeling guilty that it's not enough.
Today's blog post was inspired by this event and how people have had to navigate their day-to-day lives here in Charlotte while such devastation was top of our minds and hearts.
These tips have also helped me immensely while navigating difficult times personally and professionally from unexpected company restructurings to navigating the pandemic to handling the loss of loved ones.
We will continue to need to navigate challenging situations full of uncertainty in the future. And the more intentional you are, the better off you will be to confidently navigate it when the time inevitably comes around again.
If you're feeling called to support people in Western North Carolina who will be rebuilding for months and years to come, I recommend the following donation sites:
World Central Kitchen for providing food and water across several states impacted
American Red Cross for providing shelters, aid, and other support
BeLoved Asheville for providing meals, water, and healthcare needs in Asheville, NC and will work on housing for the upcoming cold winter months
Take care of yourself first
Remember, as always, that you need to have a full cup in order to be able to pour into others. As a leader, you may be responsible for having more difficult conversations than usual during a challenging time. You may be responsible for the people on your team, your family, or others.
Consider that you may need:
Less time spent on social media and news consumption to prevent you from going down a rabbit hole of grief or despair
More alone time to process your emotions or concerns
More time with your therapist, friends, and/or family
More sleep
Hold space intentionally for others
When you're leading a group that is going through a difficult change or situation, people will likely lean on you or turn to you for support.
First, it's important to understand what type of support they need (if they even know). Ask what they need most:
Do you want me to simply listen while you vent?
Do you want to talk through and process your emotions together?
Do you want to brainstorm solutions together?
Remember, you won't always have an answer to their problem or a way to directly help, and that's okay.
Most of the time, people just want to be heard. Holding space for them to vent, let it all out, without you interrupting with your emotions, opinions, or feedback can go a long way.
By taking care of yourself and your emotions first, you'll better be able to hold space for other people without your own worries, fears, or emotions bubbling up to the surface.
We want to create a safe, judgment-free zone for them to share their opinions, experiences, and feelings. We don't want to make them feel wrong, judged, or more concerned from our conversation.
Address the topic head-on, as it makes sense
When it comes to difficult situations and conversations, human nature is to avoid it as much as possible. However, you may find more value when you address the topic head-on, instead of letting it bubble under the surface.
Even acknowledging the topic at the beginning of a meeting can give people some space to acknowledge that it's okay to not be okay right now. That there's a lot on our minds and hearts and we don't expect things to be 'business as usual.'
You don't need to go into details of the event which may cause too many tangents or may trigger people emotionally.
A simple framework to use to address it is:
Acknowledge that there's something going on
i.e. We're obviously going through a lot right now in our community and as individuals dealing with the aftermath of the hurricane.
Recognize that things may look or feel different right now
i.e. I know that you may not be able to give your all today in our meeting or at work this week because our hearts are heavy and there’s a lot on our minds.
Offer your support to the group and what that looks like
i.e. I want you to know that I'm here for you and this is a safe space. You can pull me aside after our meeting if you'd like to talk. I also set aside a few hours in my schedule today to hold office hours for anyone who wants to talk more.
Bring the conversation back to the main objective of the meeting
i.e. For the next hour, we're going to focus on our leadership training. I appreciate you being here, your attention, and we will walk away today with new skills we can use to support ourselves and our teams moving forward.
Be respectful with what and when you share
There's a tendency during tragedies for people to share the most horrific stories they hear, or to jump to worst case scenarios. By sharing these with others, you may be triggering others (unknowingly) who are barely holding it together as it is.
Something my husband and I do when talking about difficult situations or news events is ask the other person first if they're open to or have the capacity for the conversation. It helps to make sure we're both prepared mentally and emotionally to discuss it, and we're not just trauma dumping on each other. I highly recommend this thoughtfulness.
Give yourself, and others, grace
Similarly, it's important to remember that you (and your team, family, etc.) may not be able to give 100% during this time. Being mentally, emotionally, and/or physically drained from difficult situations will inevitably impact most other areas of your life and work.
Remember to go easy on yourself and others. You don't know the full extent of what others are going through.
It's okay to find happiness during difficult times
You will likely have a lot of mixed emotions while navigating difficult situations. Don't feel guilty for finding moments of happiness or laughter during difficult times.
Part of my grieving process when I've lost a loved one is to reminisce with others about the good times we shared. It can feel heartbreaking, therapeutic, and beautiful all at the same time.
Take some deep breaths
This is my number one tip for difficult conversations and situations: take deep breaths before you go into it, during it, and after it.
While addressing a group of leaders I was training during the aftermath of Hurricane Helene, I shared and modeled these tips first-hand. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult. My voice was a bit shaky and I felt emotional even talking about it. But I wasn't going to sweep it under the rug and pretend like nothing was happening just outside our training room walls.
If you're navigating something difficult right now and want support, book a free discovery call. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
Brittany Canaski is a highly-rated Leadership Coach, Trainer, and Founder of Hello Velocity where she builds confident leaders and high-performing teams. When she's not building her business, you can find her planning her next travel adventure with her husband, watching Formula 1 racing, or volunteering in her local community of Charlotte, NC.
