How leaders can have a growth mindset about conflict
Most people don't like conflict. A lot of us avoid it at all costs, delay it as long as possible, or say anything just to get through it. Sound familiar?
But as a leader, conflict is something we need to get more comfortable with navigating, both for ourselves and for our team.
For this conversation, let's refer to conflict as opposing or a difference in ideas, interests, or opinions.
Photo by The Wilson Media Co.
When it comes to workplace conflict, most of the time we're referring to some sort of difference in our perception or opinion of a project, task, or work product. Think of: different opinions on the best course of action in a project, or a miscommunication about who was responsible for something that didn't get done.
The sooner we're able to resolve each conflict, the quicker the team is able to keep moving forward or realign within a common vision. So it's in everyone's best interest to resolve conflict instead of avoiding or delaying it.
When building your growth mindset around conflict, the best place to start is shifting your relationship to conflict. Instead of it being something we're afraid of or avoid, how can we begin to look at it like a necessary skill that we can develop over time?
Today we'll review common mindsets leaders have about conflict that are actually holding them back and how to shift into a growth mindset around conflict.
Conflict is so uncomfortable ➡️ Conflict is necessary
Most people tend to put off difficult conversations because they know it will be uncomfortable. I always say, it's better to have the 10 minute uncomfortable conversation now than to simmer in your worry, anxiousness, and uncertainty for weeks, months, or even years for some people. My clients have never said that they regret having the difficult conversation, just regretting that they didn't do it sooner.
When you start to see conflict as necessary, you see it less as something to avoid and instead simply something to move through or find resolution. Sure, it may make you or others uncomfortable, but it's typically a lot quicker and less painful than holding onto a grudge, worry, or misconception.
Growth mindset technique: give yourself a deadline of 24 hours or a certain number of business days to resolve each conflict (depending on the topic, person, etc.). This will motivate you to get it done and stop avoiding it.
Conflict is bad and means my team doesn't like each other ➡️ Productive conflict means we trust each other
A lot of people's knee jerk reaction to disagreement is believing that it's bad or a negative thing. Instead, let's remember that you can disagree with someone and still like them, respect them, and work with them.
Productive conflict at work is essentially a debate or need for further clarification. These types of conflict are a sign of a healthy team - where there's enough trust to actively disagree and talk through different sides and ideas in order to get the best solution possible.
Growth mindset technique: remember that we're not always going to 100% agree on everything when we're working with other people, and that's OKAY!
Conflict feels so personal ➡️ Conflict isn't about me personally
Honestly, conflict shouldn't be personal at work. It should be about the work, goals, ideas - and we can't take our ideas so personally. Just because someone doesn't agree with our idea doesn't mean they don't like us as a person.
There are obviously exceptions to this when someone may cause conflict by attacking you personally where they do or say something negative about your character, personality, age, race, ethnicity, or other topics related to you specifically. This is a separate type of conflict we'll discuss in future blog posts, but for now, know that these need to be addressed and shut down as soon as possible.
Growth mindset technique: remember that your ideas aren't about you personally. Instead, focus on collaborating to find the best possible ideas and solutions for the group - no matter where they come from.
We need to come to a consensus ➡️ We need everyone heard and committed
The idea that we always need to come to a consensus is usually an attempt to please everyone which isn't always possible. What we really need is a commitment from each person involved to move forward on the same decision. The term "disagree and commit" has been used at companies like Intel and Amazon as a way for teams to keep moving forward with decisions when not everyone agrees.
Instead of consensus, we need everyone to be heard, considered, and addressed or responded to. This looks like getting everyone's ideas or options out into the open and discussed. Most people are okay to move forward with an idea that's not their preferred option if they've been able to share their opinion and have had heard other ideas be favored by more people in the group.
Growth mindset technique: when in meetings or groups that need to have a clear decision made between multiple options, ensure you get everyone's opinions heard and any objections shared out loud before the final decision can be made. When the final choice is made, ask everyone if they are able to commit to the decision. If there are any no's, you need to talk through the remaining objections.
When we don't agree we should just revisit in the future ➡️ A decision is better than no decision
So many teams and organizations lose precious time because of delaying decisions during a disagreement. This relates to the previous belief that we think we need a total consensus to make any decision.
I recommend only delaying if the disagreement is escalating and becoming hurtful or harmful. Sometimes, we do need to take a break or sleep on it. Otherwise, we need to leave the conversation with a decision and/or next steps. This will help increase the speed of the business and decision-making.
Growth mindset technique: Think of your goal in any disagreement-based conflict is simply coming to a decision and/or next step. Limit delaying decisions as much as possible.
Avoiding conflict is one of the most common leadership blind spots. Take the free Leadership Blind Spot Audit to discover your other blind spots. Take the audit here.
Brittany Canaski is a highly-rated Leadership Coach, Trainer, and Founder of Hello Velocity where she builds confident leaders and high-performing teams. When she's not building her business, you can find her planning her next travel adventure with her husband, watching Formula 1 racing, or volunteering in her local community of Charlotte, NC.
