Boost your confidence with these three steps
On a recent trip to Portugal, I found myself completely out of my comfort zone. I was in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language and didn't know the cultural norms.
I noticed myself slipping into old habits and behaviors rooted in a lack of confidence: waiting for other people to speak up first, following other people's social cues, and feeling constantly anxious trying to control everything around me.
Now you don't have to travel to a foreign country to notice yourself feeling small or lacking confidence. A lot of women feel this way on an everyday basis, I know I used to.
There are a million things that can cause a lack of confidence, but here are some of the top ones I see most often with my coaching clients:
Not being clear with what their needs are
Not knowing their values or priorities
Not trusting themselves fully
So let's take a look at three steps you can use to build confidence next time you're feeling off track or out of your element.
Identify your basic needs in the moment
It really can be this simple. Oftentimes when we're not feeling confident, we're playing out scenarios in our head that haven't happened. We're worrying about all the what ifs and worst case scenarios. Instead, come back to the present moment and focus on the basics.
Ask yourself: what do I really need in this moment?
Let's say you're preparing for a job interview and you're not feeling confident. What are your needs for the interview? You likely just need to be yourself, to be able to speak clearly, and be able to talk about yourself. Doesn't sound so hard when you put it like that does it?
When it came to traveling, my basic needs were being able to communicate my food orders, find my way around, and find restrooms. So I learned how to say 'do you speak English' in Portuguese and was often directed to a bilingual waiter or employee at the places we visited. And when in doubt, I could always use google translate or point to what I needed. Again, it wasn't as hard as I was starting to make it in my head.
2. Focus on your values or priorities
When we're not feeling confident, we are typically worrying about ALL the things, especially things outside of our control. By focusing on your values or priorities, you can focus in on what's actually most important to you. Our values and priorities can be a filter to filter out all the extra noise that's getting in our way. It helps the worries wash away and gives you something meaningful to focus on.
Ask yourself: what are my priorities?
Let's say you're about to give a presentation at work and you're suddenly not feeling confident. Maybe you'll see that the priority is really to relay one core idea/finding from the presentation. Then that can be your main focus instead of trying to memorize every little detail or worrying about what the audience will say.
When I was losing my confidence in Portugal, I began to focus on my values: self-love, connection, and empowerment. Self-love helped me give myself grace for feeling this way and falling into old patterns. Connection inspired me to want to connect with these new people, even when there was a language barrier. And empowerment gave me the encouragement to try new things and lean into my strengths.
3. Grow the trust you have for yourself
This is one of those things that people don't think they can control. In reality, I believe that trust is simply a choice. It's not something you necessarily have to work on for years or prove to yourself over and over again (although those definitely help too). You can choose right now to trust yourself, to make it a priority, and to keep it top of mind. By choosing to trust yourself you are choosing to believe in yourself, to raise your standards, and to build your confidence.
Ask yourself: why do I already trust myself to do this?
Let's say you're not feeling confident about starting a new role or position. One tangible way you could build that trust in yourself is to write down all the things you've already successfully done that could help you when it comes to starting a new role. Think of all the other things you've tried for the first time, all the other work projects you've completed, teams you've worked with, and accolades or kudos you've received. Write it all down. Now you have a trust bank for yourself that you can re-read anytime you're losing that confidence again.
When traveling, I reminded myself of how many other countries I've been to and navigated this exact situation. And that it always worked out and I was always able to get where I needed to be safely. Boom, trust built.
Are you looking to build confidence in yourself for the long-haul? I have a few spots opening up next month for one-on-one coaching. Over six months we can build out customized tools you can use over and over again to build your confidence in all areas of life: career, health, relationships, finances, and more. Want to learn more? Schedule a 30-min discovery call today and we can talk through your goals and see if we'd be a good fit to partner together.
Brittany is a life & leadership coach, trainer, and the founder of Hello Velocity where she helps ambitious individuals and corporate teams enhance their performance by working smarter, not harder. When she isn't building her business, you can find her planning her next travel adventure, taking a yoga or kickboxing class, or checking out a local brewery. She was recently acknowledged as one of the top coaches in Charlotte, NC.
